Sunday, January 29, 2006
The leaves that are green
Dah!
Crap, I just remembered, I've got to pay off IBM by Tuesday.
Anyone know where my cheque book and piggybanks are?
Anyone know where my cheque book and piggybanks are?
May I recommend?
Anything Anthony Bourdain can chuck at you?
The git can:
- cook well (I've eaten at Les Halles in NYC, possibly the best meal I've ever - ever - had).
- write well (his books "Kitchen Confidential" and "A Cooks Tour" are fab).
- do TV well (although he'll tell you he doesn't like doing it)
And - AND - these days he gets to travel the world and eat for a living!
Git!
The git can:
- cook well (I've eaten at Les Halles in NYC, possibly the best meal I've ever - ever - had).
- write well (his books "Kitchen Confidential" and "A Cooks Tour" are fab).
- do TV well (although he'll tell you he doesn't like doing it)
And - AND - these days he gets to travel the world and eat for a living!
Git!
Saturday, January 28, 2006
The Mayor's Night Out
What a fab start to the weekend!
First of all, we get the tantalising glimpse of a maybe-flurry of snow during the afternoon. At that exact same time I am sat at my desk in Colchester with my team manager working on a particularly troublesome support call. All of a sudden in the bottom right hand corner of my screen arrive mails from all my friends saying things like
- SNOW!
- YAY! SNOW!!!
- I think i saw SNOW!
- SNOWY!!!!!!
as, like I said, I am sat at my desk with my Team Manager. Luckily I think I distracted her by pointing out of the window and saying "Ooh... er.. snow."
Second, I had an excellent journey home from work. The traffic was my friend, oh yes. I did it in half an hour. Unbelievable for a Friday night.
Third, my unc and his lovely wife picked me up to take me out for a curry at the "Back" Passage to India and then to see Ben Elton at the Ipswich Regent. The curry was wonderful (as ever) and Ben Elton was a revelation. It's been ten years since he last toured and whilst he is now rather grey of hair, he's still got it. The ranting is still as funny as he ever was (maybe more so?) and the constant stream of words and gags come fast. If you get a chance to see him on the tour, then do it. Or wait for the DVD. Your choice.
Once Ben had finished talking at us for two hours, it was time to wander off to find Kev in Pals. I've not been out in town for, weeeellll, about two years. And predictably, Pals has not changed (although the prices have gone up) (unbelieveable I know).
And I was having a lovely time. Until about 1am. When the ex- turned up. Oh yes. Lots of other places she could go, but there she was. So we talked for about 90 seconds, my continued insistence on breathing upset her and she ran off (persued by some gimpy looking kid with really really bad face moss). She's lost a lot more weight. Skinny as you like. Still, there was no way I was staying out whilst she was in the same place, style cramped, the threat of some gimpy kid with a silly beard trying to beat me up, etc etc, so I left and came home.
So, an evening that went from the sublime to the ridiculous.
First of all, we get the tantalising glimpse of a maybe-flurry of snow during the afternoon. At that exact same time I am sat at my desk in Colchester with my team manager working on a particularly troublesome support call. All of a sudden in the bottom right hand corner of my screen arrive mails from all my friends saying things like
- SNOW!
- YAY! SNOW!!!
- I think i saw SNOW!
- SNOWY!!!!!!
as, like I said, I am sat at my desk with my Team Manager. Luckily I think I distracted her by pointing out of the window and saying "Ooh... er.. snow."
Second, I had an excellent journey home from work. The traffic was my friend, oh yes. I did it in half an hour. Unbelievable for a Friday night.
Third, my unc and his lovely wife picked me up to take me out for a curry at the "Back" Passage to India and then to see Ben Elton at the Ipswich Regent. The curry was wonderful (as ever) and Ben Elton was a revelation. It's been ten years since he last toured and whilst he is now rather grey of hair, he's still got it. The ranting is still as funny as he ever was (maybe more so?) and the constant stream of words and gags come fast. If you get a chance to see him on the tour, then do it. Or wait for the DVD. Your choice.
Once Ben had finished talking at us for two hours, it was time to wander off to find Kev in Pals. I've not been out in town for, weeeellll, about two years. And predictably, Pals has not changed (although the prices have gone up) (unbelieveable I know).
And I was having a lovely time. Until about 1am. When the ex- turned up. Oh yes. Lots of other places she could go, but there she was. So we talked for about 90 seconds, my continued insistence on breathing upset her and she ran off (persued by some gimpy looking kid with really really bad face moss). She's lost a lot more weight. Skinny as you like. Still, there was no way I was staying out whilst she was in the same place, style cramped, the threat of some gimpy kid with a silly beard trying to beat me up, etc etc, so I left and came home.
So, an evening that went from the sublime to the ridiculous.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
life
I get up.
I work.
I come home.
I fix a computer.
I go to bed.
Tell me something interesting. Hopefully, next week will pick up...
I work.
I come home.
I fix a computer.
I go to bed.
Tell me something interesting. Hopefully, next week will pick up...
Monday, January 23, 2006
When drunk:
Do not allow yourself to be uploaded to hotornot.com (although I'm currently an 8.3).
Still, if you want to vote for me, go look me up (I'd give you the link but am scared Buz will keep clicking on "1"...)
Still, if you want to vote for me, go look me up (I'd give you the link but am scared Buz will keep clicking on "1"...)
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Spain, The rain in
Well, it chucked it down. Absolutely. Buckets of it. Rain. From the moment we touched down (and possibly earlier) Spain experienced a weekend of more rain that it had seen in about four years.
And I pick that weekend to visit.
Ho hum. Supposedly, Fiona has a mountain range just outside her appartment. The Sierra Blanca. It's meant to be beautiful and dangerous (a lot like me, obviously), but it was simply obscured by cloud (again, a lot like me).
Still, the weather did decide to be a bit fair and stop raining for a couple of hours on Saturday night when we visited Marbella and spent the night eating tapas and drinking small beers. Very excellent it was too.
The really cool thing about Spain is that, unlike the UK, it has banned smoking in public places. You wanna smoke? Sorry Enrique, out in the street you go, amigo. So the night went on undisturbed by the filth that is secondary smoke. This meant that I was able to taste my food untainted by cigarette smoke. And very excellent it was too.
So can someone please explain to me how it is that Spain can ban smoking with apparantly no particluar problems, but our own "must please all of the people all of the time" Government can't get its finger out of the arse of the tobacco companies' collective arses for long enough to pass a law? Bunch of second-rate cowboys.
I could go on, but fear I might irritate one of my emphysemic-smoker readers. I think I've nailed my colours to the flagpole.
Back in Spain, and Sunday morning was sunny. Right up til lunchtime when the clouds came back in and the rain started again. And that's when something leaked and the power went out. Pow! No more electric today folks, bad luck.
So I got in a cab (luckily the payphone was still working) and made my way back to Malaga airport.
Next time, I'll go in the summer. I might be guaranteed some frickin' sun that way...
And I pick that weekend to visit.
Ho hum. Supposedly, Fiona has a mountain range just outside her appartment. The Sierra Blanca. It's meant to be beautiful and dangerous (a lot like me, obviously), but it was simply obscured by cloud (again, a lot like me).
Still, the weather did decide to be a bit fair and stop raining for a couple of hours on Saturday night when we visited Marbella and spent the night eating tapas and drinking small beers. Very excellent it was too.
The really cool thing about Spain is that, unlike the UK, it has banned smoking in public places. You wanna smoke? Sorry Enrique, out in the street you go, amigo. So the night went on undisturbed by the filth that is secondary smoke. This meant that I was able to taste my food untainted by cigarette smoke. And very excellent it was too.
So can someone please explain to me how it is that Spain can ban smoking with apparantly no particluar problems, but our own "must please all of the people all of the time" Government can't get its finger out of the arse of the tobacco companies' collective arses for long enough to pass a law? Bunch of second-rate cowboys.
I could go on, but fear I might irritate one of my emphysemic-smoker readers. I think I've nailed my colours to the flagpole.
Back in Spain, and Sunday morning was sunny. Right up til lunchtime when the clouds came back in and the rain started again. And that's when something leaked and the power went out. Pow! No more electric today folks, bad luck.
So I got in a cab (luckily the payphone was still working) and made my way back to Malaga airport.
Next time, I'll go in the summer. I might be guaranteed some frickin' sun that way...
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Put yourself on the market
A little game I had The Collective play yesterday to while away the workaday grind.
Imagine, I said, that an estate agent was going to be putting you on the market. What would they write about you? Everyone eventually wrote theirs (except for Buz, whose entry I wrote to "kick things off") including neo-Surrealist Caroline. Here are the results...
Nic
Used to be a very sought after area (yay me!) but a little worn of late, with that settled, 'lived-in' look. Structurally mostly sound with few areas of concern. Major work to the substructure in the past year has not been patched as well as it might, but doesn't detract from the charm of the property. Comes with small sub property suitable as granny attractor.Value: probably negative equity, but in time should come back onto the market with gusto - an investment opportunity.
Buz
A ramshackle, run-down old heap. Faces monitor. Could do with a bit of shoring up. Tendency to lean over to one side.Grumpy aspect. Some tidying required. Not much up top. Lounges. Reception occasionally warm. Subsidence risk. Extension approved and in process of delivery. Value: £7/4s/3d - Jam jars can be used in part exchange.
Ian
Medium sized 1970’s built property with features of the period. Unusually thin thatched roof needs some attention. Some evidence of subsidence in the centre section of the property, with the overly thick walls probably not helping. Gloomy outlook in general is offset somewhat by large dining room. Mains Gas. Mostly vacant possession. Interesting door knocker.
Caroline
Lock up garage in block, red door. Fits one family sized hatchback, a dusty workbench and any number of old brushes, a hoe, a broken spade and, of course, a couple of fork handles (yes indeedy)Electronic door opened only by remote control. Remote control has been lost. P.O.A.
Alf
Somewhat shabby 1970s building. External areas require attention, foliage over-running. Internal fixtures of dubious quality. Front paunch added recently. Quick sale needed.
Ben
Caveat Emptor.
Feel free to treat your chums to this insightful passtime. You may discover what they actually think of themselves.
Imagine, I said, that an estate agent was going to be putting you on the market. What would they write about you? Everyone eventually wrote theirs (except for Buz, whose entry I wrote to "kick things off") including neo-Surrealist Caroline. Here are the results...
Nic
Used to be a very sought after area (yay me!) but a little worn of late, with that settled, 'lived-in' look. Structurally mostly sound with few areas of concern. Major work to the substructure in the past year has not been patched as well as it might, but doesn't detract from the charm of the property. Comes with small sub property suitable as granny attractor.Value: probably negative equity, but in time should come back onto the market with gusto - an investment opportunity.
Buz
A ramshackle, run-down old heap. Faces monitor. Could do with a bit of shoring up. Tendency to lean over to one side.Grumpy aspect. Some tidying required. Not much up top. Lounges. Reception occasionally warm. Subsidence risk. Extension approved and in process of delivery. Value: £7/4s/3d - Jam jars can be used in part exchange.
Ian
Medium sized 1970’s built property with features of the period. Unusually thin thatched roof needs some attention. Some evidence of subsidence in the centre section of the property, with the overly thick walls probably not helping. Gloomy outlook in general is offset somewhat by large dining room. Mains Gas. Mostly vacant possession. Interesting door knocker.
Caroline
Lock up garage in block, red door. Fits one family sized hatchback, a dusty workbench and any number of old brushes, a hoe, a broken spade and, of course, a couple of fork handles (yes indeedy)Electronic door opened only by remote control. Remote control has been lost. P.O.A.
Alf
Somewhat shabby 1970s building. External areas require attention, foliage over-running. Internal fixtures of dubious quality. Front paunch added recently. Quick sale needed.
Ben
Caveat Emptor.
Feel free to treat your chums to this insightful passtime. You may discover what they actually think of themselves.
Tech nonsense
Why are people suddenly fascinated with "mobile television", ie the ability to watch telly on your mobile phone.
I assume that the telecos will be claiming that they'll have to stream the whole thing over the telephone network and charge chunky amounts of cash to anyone foolish enough to watch?
Because I thought that the TV signal was floating around in the air around us. Am I wrong in thinking that all you need is an aerial and a portable telly? (Uncle Clive had one of these in 1983 (I saw it on Blue Peter). And there are already tellys you can put in your pocket (I've seen those in Dixons) so as far as I can tell we're not talking giant leap here, yet it's all "the news" can talk about.) And if you're not connected to a fixed aerial you don't need a license (watch that little loophole get plugged asap) so why-oh-why the audacity to make people pay for something that is essentially free (great business model though, wish I'd thought of it).
Even if you wanted to watch the current slab of kwality digital channels (and who wouldn't?), the rate at which tech is miniaturising, the kit needed to deal with it should be small enough to be "portable" at any moment. In fact it probably already is, it's just that we won't get to see it for another few years.
My main point is this, though: Accidents are caused everyday when people text or make mobile calls when driving. Does this stupid country need yet another excuse to focus solely on their mobiles rather than on what they're actually doing?
Bah.
I assume that the telecos will be claiming that they'll have to stream the whole thing over the telephone network and charge chunky amounts of cash to anyone foolish enough to watch?
Because I thought that the TV signal was floating around in the air around us. Am I wrong in thinking that all you need is an aerial and a portable telly? (Uncle Clive had one of these in 1983 (I saw it on Blue Peter). And there are already tellys you can put in your pocket (I've seen those in Dixons) so as far as I can tell we're not talking giant leap here, yet it's all "the news" can talk about.) And if you're not connected to a fixed aerial you don't need a license (watch that little loophole get plugged asap) so why-oh-why the audacity to make people pay for something that is essentially free (great business model though, wish I'd thought of it).
Even if you wanted to watch the current slab of kwality digital channels (and who wouldn't?), the rate at which tech is miniaturising, the kit needed to deal with it should be small enough to be "portable" at any moment. In fact it probably already is, it's just that we won't get to see it for another few years.
My main point is this, though: Accidents are caused everyday when people text or make mobile calls when driving. Does this stupid country need yet another excuse to focus solely on their mobiles rather than on what they're actually doing?
Bah.
Monday, January 16, 2006
YOU TAKE THE VALUABLE GOLDEN RING
Gollum says "What has it got in its pockets?".
The horrible goblin attacks you.
With one well placed blow the horrible goblin cleaves your skull.
You are dead.
You have mastered 12.5% of this adventure.
BASTARD GAME. After playing it for more than 20 years I still can't complete the bloody thing.
The horrible goblin attacks you.
With one well placed blow the horrible goblin cleaves your skull.
You are dead.
You have mastered 12.5% of this adventure.
BASTARD GAME. After playing it for more than 20 years I still can't complete the bloody thing.
Cake making ladies
You will remember the talk of the ladies I was sat next to on the plane? Of course you will, as your memory is much better'n mine.
Well - the funniest thing. (And it must be funny cos I even put the word "funniest" in italics.
They live round the corner from me. Yes. And they know people I know. Yes! And one of them even taught at my primary school for a while. YES! Who'd have thought it, eh?
Ann and Barbara*, if you ever find this: Hello!
*At least I think it was Ann and Barbara. I could be wrong as I was barely able to hear cos of the whole ears/pressure/deaf thing when you start coming into land.
Well - the funniest thing. (And it must be funny cos I even put the word "funniest" in italics.
They live round the corner from me. Yes. And they know people I know. Yes! And one of them even taught at my primary school for a while. YES! Who'd have thought it, eh?
Ann and Barbara*, if you ever find this: Hello!
*At least I think it was Ann and Barbara. I could be wrong as I was barely able to hear cos of the whole ears/pressure/deaf thing when you start coming into land.
HAL wrote me a letter...
OK so it's not the actual HAL, as that's a ficitious computer from Arthur C. Clarke's fevered imagination. But everyone must by now be familiar with the old, old story.
Which, for those who are not, goes much like this:
Way back when, in those olden days that everyone is so keen on talking about, Art Clarke and Stan Kubrick came up with an idea for a jolly fine space sci-fi movie. With this in mind, they put together a storyline and included, for want of a better baddie, an eViL cOmPuTeR.
The computer was to be a main character in the film, would have a personality and be able to interact with the human stars. To this end it would need a name. A plan formed in the minds of the film-makers and they approached IBM. The name of the computer was to be the IBM-9000.
IBM were, of course, up for this. A lovely bit of PR. Some wonderful advertising and the opportunity to have a bit of a guess as to what the future holds.
And then they say the script: IBM-9000 was to go mad and kill everyone.
IBM said: "Ho-ho-NO."
Stan and Art shrugged their shoulders and decided that instead of worrying too much, they'd just move the letters of the IBM-9000's name back one character in the alphabet, and so the HAL-9000 range of computers was born.
And went on to kill the crew of the Discovery (except for Dave).
Ok, there's the background.
So, er, "HAL" wrote me a letter demanding (with menaces) an entire thousand pounds and further fifty-six pounds. You see they feel they overpaid me. I told them this back on November 4th when I was sent a pay slip detailing a full month's pay. "Some mistake," I wrote. "I appear to have been paid for a full month".
I HEARD NOTHING BACK.
Until yesterday. Bless 'em.
I've got 21 days to pay up otherwise I'll have the ol' kneecaps broken by a man called Vinny and his mate Keith.
Which, for those who are not, goes much like this:
Way back when, in those olden days that everyone is so keen on talking about, Art Clarke and Stan Kubrick came up with an idea for a jolly fine space sci-fi movie. With this in mind, they put together a storyline and included, for want of a better baddie, an eViL cOmPuTeR.
The computer was to be a main character in the film, would have a personality and be able to interact with the human stars. To this end it would need a name. A plan formed in the minds of the film-makers and they approached IBM. The name of the computer was to be the IBM-9000.
IBM were, of course, up for this. A lovely bit of PR. Some wonderful advertising and the opportunity to have a bit of a guess as to what the future holds.
And then they say the script: IBM-9000 was to go mad and kill everyone.
IBM said: "Ho-ho-NO."
Stan and Art shrugged their shoulders and decided that instead of worrying too much, they'd just move the letters of the IBM-9000's name back one character in the alphabet, and so the HAL-9000 range of computers was born.
And went on to kill the crew of the Discovery (except for Dave).
Ok, there's the background.
So, er, "HAL" wrote me a letter demanding (with menaces) an entire thousand pounds and further fifty-six pounds. You see they feel they overpaid me. I told them this back on November 4th when I was sent a pay slip detailing a full month's pay. "Some mistake," I wrote. "I appear to have been paid for a full month".
I HEARD NOTHING BACK.
Until yesterday. Bless 'em.
I've got 21 days to pay up otherwise I'll have the ol' kneecaps broken by a man called Vinny and his mate Keith.
Eh? Veeva Espanya
So here are a few tips to help you enjoy a weekend away:
1. Remember what the hell you did with your mobile phone. Cos God knows where it is, but it's not with me as I type this (on an Airbus 319 somewhere above the Channel Islands). I guess it's either somewhere in my car or in my desk drawer at work. Or.. well.. I don't know!
2. Ensure you have plenty of leg room. Ah. Hmm. Oh well, eh?
3. Still, I have some nice chatty ladies to my right, whom I expect would be able to knock up a rather excellent fruit cake or sponge. They're enjoying the on-board tea with their own sarnies and fruit. Maybe the cake will appear shortly.
4. MAME is crashing at 37% of ROMs found. And I want to play Gauntlet and Outrun. Bah. And if I reboot then The Shat will stop singing, er, speaking, at me. And at this point I must *must* re-recommend the Ben Folds-produced album "Has been". It is truly a great, great thing. Even if you don't like Bill Shatner, it's got some really great tracks on it. Especially "You're Gonna Die".
5. Bring some food. I think I shoved some stuff in my manbag, but every time I grope around under the seat in front the steward/esses look at me funny for taking up the gangway. I may end up chewing my own arm off, but I rather fear that typing with a bloody stump won't help anyone.
6. Don't fly on Friday the 13th. This gives your work colleagues the chance to go on and on and on about the date and how brave you are for travelling on such a day.
7. Tell your colleagues to fuck off if they do such a thing.
8. Do not - and I mean this most sincerely folks - DON'T go out for a curry the night before getting on a plane. The people around you will not thank you. You will not thank yourself. Just learn from my mistake. Stick with toad in the hole.
9. Try to forget the asshole users at your work who simply don't understand that planes tend not to wait if you're late, and that in the great scheme of things, Monday is an excellent day for their job to be fixed.
10. Rememeber to submit your timesheet before leaving. That way you get paid. Otherwise... well... you starve.
1. Remember what the hell you did with your mobile phone. Cos God knows where it is, but it's not with me as I type this (on an Airbus 319 somewhere above the Channel Islands). I guess it's either somewhere in my car or in my desk drawer at work. Or.. well.. I don't know!
2. Ensure you have plenty of leg room. Ah. Hmm. Oh well, eh?
3. Still, I have some nice chatty ladies to my right, whom I expect would be able to knock up a rather excellent fruit cake or sponge. They're enjoying the on-board tea with their own sarnies and fruit. Maybe the cake will appear shortly.
4. MAME is crashing at 37% of ROMs found. And I want to play Gauntlet and Outrun. Bah. And if I reboot then The Shat will stop singing, er, speaking, at me. And at this point I must *must* re-recommend the Ben Folds-produced album "Has been". It is truly a great, great thing. Even if you don't like Bill Shatner, it's got some really great tracks on it. Especially "You're Gonna Die".
5. Bring some food. I think I shoved some stuff in my manbag, but every time I grope around under the seat in front the steward/esses look at me funny for taking up the gangway. I may end up chewing my own arm off, but I rather fear that typing with a bloody stump won't help anyone.
6. Don't fly on Friday the 13th. This gives your work colleagues the chance to go on and on and on about the date and how brave you are for travelling on such a day.
7. Tell your colleagues to fuck off if they do such a thing.
8. Do not - and I mean this most sincerely folks - DON'T go out for a curry the night before getting on a plane. The people around you will not thank you. You will not thank yourself. Just learn from my mistake. Stick with toad in the hole.
9. Try to forget the asshole users at your work who simply don't understand that planes tend not to wait if you're late, and that in the great scheme of things, Monday is an excellent day for their job to be fixed.
10. Rememeber to submit your timesheet before leaving. That way you get paid. Otherwise... well... you starve.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Here's something I was asked today:
"So... is Clint Eastwood the same person as Woody Allen?"
And yes, I was asked this by a gurl.
Still - discuss...
And yes, I was asked this by a gurl.
Still - discuss...
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Question...
So, which bulimic drug addict woud I still, er, "entertain" with great enthusiasm?
Answers on an Lindsay Lohan, sorry, postcard, to the usual address.
Answers on an Lindsay Lohan, sorry, postcard, to the usual address.
What is the name of the girl at the pub this evening?
I love...
Marmite toast
[Pic: This photograph sponsored by Marmite, plc and St. Ivel Gold ltd.]
Press, The English
Now look, I love Radio 4. I love the Today Programme. That John Humphrys is my hero, despite his funny way of spelling his surname (yeah, pot/kettle Mr Boredofjam).
I have no particular feelings towards Charles Kennedy of the Liberal Democrats (I believe this is how you are meant to feel for a man who leads a political party which is unsure about its leanings). But this whole thing is like picking on the simple kid in the playground.
But when the rabid dogs of the UK press decide to go for the jugular of someone who is sufferring from an extreme personal problem - like one that Mr Kennedy has admitted to - I have difficulty agreeing that it is a good thing they've been scratching the itch of "Mr Kennedy, you're an alcoholic, ain't you?" for so bloody long.
It seems they are unable to understand why he lied to them for so long.
Well, shit, I ain't an alcoholic (although my mother and gran think I am), but I guess that (a) admitting it to yourself and (b) admitting it to your family is something that will be difficult/traumatic enough. Frankly, those steps in themselves would be enough to send me back to the comfort of the "gold watch". So why the hell, why the hell, until he is ready to have said something, to have worked his troubles through, to have come out on the other side of the personal fucking hell he's been going through, shouldn't Mr K have been able to just deny everything and get on with coming to terms with what he had to do?
Of course there are those out there who say "He's in a job that means he should be subject to public scrutiny. He has to accept that the press will go after him. He is, after all, a politician. Bad luck chum." Indeed, the press do an excellent job at digging out all the hypocrites who run this country - and have brought Governments to their knees (Anyone up for a bit of the Tory's famous "Back to Basics" campaign?). Anyone in public office who is defrauding us, the people who pay their bloody wages, should be exposed for being the cretins that they are. I have absolutely no doubt that all Governments are crooked: The old boys' network; putting things out to tender to "preferred suppliers" (ie some Minister's brother-in-law).
But anyone who finds that they have to attack a person because of what they like to do in the privacy of their home, be it sex, food or drink is wrong. Everyone, everyone, has things about them that they really wish were never exposed. Well guess what, when you pop your clogs who's going to be cleaning out your house and discovering that secret stash of porn (nearly typed port) you keep hidden away? Mine's hidden away nicely though thanks.
Charles Kennedy should have been left alone to get on with sorting his life out. As it is, he's now been forced to make probably one of the bravest speeches I think I've ever heard a politician make.
Yes, he lied to the attack dogs of the British Press, however he never denied he liked a bit of a drink, and would use good humour to deflect any further prying. I believe that whilst he was in charge of the Conservative Party, William Hague once boasted at being a 10 pints a night man. Did the press pin him down and accuse him of being a piss-head? Nope. They had a jolly good laugh about it in a "it's not a serious thing, ten pints a night, oh no" way.
Had the Liberal Democrats started to fall apart before the last election, had there been obvious signs of Mr Kennedy leading his party astray, then maybe there would have been a valid reason for the bloke feck off and let someone else take over. But even my lame political mind can remember the Lib Dems winning more seats in the last election than ever before.
Was this as a result of people finding Charles Kennedy an untrustworthy drunkard? I doubt it.
I hope that the press, now they have their blood will let him get on with sorting out his life.
(And that's it for politics. I'm off down the pub.)
I have no particular feelings towards Charles Kennedy of the Liberal Democrats (I believe this is how you are meant to feel for a man who leads a political party which is unsure about its leanings). But this whole thing is like picking on the simple kid in the playground.
But when the rabid dogs of the UK press decide to go for the jugular of someone who is sufferring from an extreme personal problem - like one that Mr Kennedy has admitted to - I have difficulty agreeing that it is a good thing they've been scratching the itch of "Mr Kennedy, you're an alcoholic, ain't you?" for so bloody long.
It seems they are unable to understand why he lied to them for so long.
Well, shit, I ain't an alcoholic (although my mother and gran think I am), but I guess that (a) admitting it to yourself and (b) admitting it to your family is something that will be difficult/traumatic enough. Frankly, those steps in themselves would be enough to send me back to the comfort of the "gold watch". So why the hell, why the hell, until he is ready to have said something, to have worked his troubles through, to have come out on the other side of the personal fucking hell he's been going through, shouldn't Mr K have been able to just deny everything and get on with coming to terms with what he had to do?
Of course there are those out there who say "He's in a job that means he should be subject to public scrutiny. He has to accept that the press will go after him. He is, after all, a politician. Bad luck chum." Indeed, the press do an excellent job at digging out all the hypocrites who run this country - and have brought Governments to their knees (Anyone up for a bit of the Tory's famous "Back to Basics" campaign?). Anyone in public office who is defrauding us, the people who pay their bloody wages, should be exposed for being the cretins that they are. I have absolutely no doubt that all Governments are crooked: The old boys' network; putting things out to tender to "preferred suppliers" (ie some Minister's brother-in-law).
But anyone who finds that they have to attack a person because of what they like to do in the privacy of their home, be it sex, food or drink is wrong. Everyone, everyone, has things about them that they really wish were never exposed. Well guess what, when you pop your clogs who's going to be cleaning out your house and discovering that secret stash of porn (nearly typed port) you keep hidden away? Mine's hidden away nicely though thanks.
Charles Kennedy should have been left alone to get on with sorting his life out. As it is, he's now been forced to make probably one of the bravest speeches I think I've ever heard a politician make.
Yes, he lied to the attack dogs of the British Press, however he never denied he liked a bit of a drink, and would use good humour to deflect any further prying. I believe that whilst he was in charge of the Conservative Party, William Hague once boasted at being a 10 pints a night man. Did the press pin him down and accuse him of being a piss-head? Nope. They had a jolly good laugh about it in a "it's not a serious thing, ten pints a night, oh no" way.
Had the Liberal Democrats started to fall apart before the last election, had there been obvious signs of Mr Kennedy leading his party astray, then maybe there would have been a valid reason for the bloke feck off and let someone else take over. But even my lame political mind can remember the Lib Dems winning more seats in the last election than ever before.
Was this as a result of people finding Charles Kennedy an untrustworthy drunkard? I doubt it.
I hope that the press, now they have their blood will let him get on with sorting out his life.
(And that's it for politics. I'm off down the pub.)
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Willkommen zur Zukunft
So here we are. It's 2006 already and someone somewhere had a meeting that I was not invited to.
That meeting seems to have been something to do with ensuring that although we now live in an incredibly hi-tech world, nothing - but nothing - will ever be simple.
Don't get me wrong. I've seen the adverts, we have the easiest Windows(TM) ever! But that's just Microsoft's PR department and lots of Geeks believing the hype (Microsoft here's a hint: If you want to make it easier, stop moving shit about.. leave it where it was in the previous version...) So that's virtual easiness, Microsoft have made the QWERTY keyboard easier to use*.
How about some actual, genuine, real-life easiness then? Hmm? How about a plug-this-bit-of-cable-into-this-box-here-and-it-does-what-you-expect-it-to bit of easiness? hmm? Hmm? HMM?
Case-in-point, m'lud:
Yestereve I was proceeding in a gadget-purchasing direction and happened upon a PVR in Tescos for the princely sum of one-hundred pounds (bar thruppence). Swiftly I purchased said item thinking that I would replace the rather ancient VCR in my front room with something that would look more up-to-date (if anything made by Bush can be considered up-to-date).
It's a simple thing I require: I wish to plug in my Sky box to the PVR through either a SCART lead or an RF connector and just hit record when I want to. Tape some stuff, watch it, stop wasting resources by needing more video tapes, blah blah etc etc.
Get Sky+ everyone says.
But why do I need to further line Mr Murdoch's pockets to the tune of a tenner a month (should I opt out of the films package) simply to be able to record programmes I'm already paying to see? Thank goodness he's not in charge of food supply, else we'd be paying to take a crap at the end of the day (into a toilet we'd already paid for every year BY LAW).
Of course, it's not as simple as all that is it? You can't possibly expect in the year twenty-oh-six to take an assortment of electrical equipment and expect it all to get along. I mean, why the hell should you? If I plug my Sky box into the Bush PVR box, the Bush box wants to find Freeview channels (I have no analogue aerial) and no matter what I do I can't get a decent picture out through the box anyway. I can only imagine that the Sky signal is encrypted to make digital recording somewhat tricky. Either that or the PVR is mangling the picture.
I guess it may have to be Sky+. Either that or I keep the now not-so-stupid-looking VCR.
Oh how I love tape.
A possibly connected curiosity with my current TV setup is that I cannot plug my retro (ie ancient) PSone into my telly at the same time as the Sky box is on. It... corrupts... the... picture. Is this perhaps a feature of the Sky box in general or just the cheap'n'nasty Amstrad one I've been palmed off with?
(And, yes, I managed to type the expression "Bush box" without giggling).
*My arse
That meeting seems to have been something to do with ensuring that although we now live in an incredibly hi-tech world, nothing - but nothing - will ever be simple.
Don't get me wrong. I've seen the adverts, we have the easiest Windows(TM) ever! But that's just Microsoft's PR department and lots of Geeks believing the hype (Microsoft here's a hint: If you want to make it easier, stop moving shit about.. leave it where it was in the previous version...) So that's virtual easiness, Microsoft have made the QWERTY keyboard easier to use*.
How about some actual, genuine, real-life easiness then? Hmm? How about a plug-this-bit-of-cable-into-this-box-here-and-it-does-what-you-expect-it-to bit of easiness? hmm? Hmm? HMM?
Case-in-point, m'lud:
Yestereve I was proceeding in a gadget-purchasing direction and happened upon a PVR in Tescos for the princely sum of one-hundred pounds (bar thruppence). Swiftly I purchased said item thinking that I would replace the rather ancient VCR in my front room with something that would look more up-to-date (if anything made by Bush can be considered up-to-date).
It's a simple thing I require: I wish to plug in my Sky box to the PVR through either a SCART lead or an RF connector and just hit record when I want to. Tape some stuff, watch it, stop wasting resources by needing more video tapes, blah blah etc etc.
Get Sky+ everyone says.
But why do I need to further line Mr Murdoch's pockets to the tune of a tenner a month (should I opt out of the films package) simply to be able to record programmes I'm already paying to see? Thank goodness he's not in charge of food supply, else we'd be paying to take a crap at the end of the day (into a toilet we'd already paid for every year BY LAW).
Of course, it's not as simple as all that is it? You can't possibly expect in the year twenty-oh-six to take an assortment of electrical equipment and expect it all to get along. I mean, why the hell should you? If I plug my Sky box into the Bush PVR box, the Bush box wants to find Freeview channels (I have no analogue aerial) and no matter what I do I can't get a decent picture out through the box anyway. I can only imagine that the Sky signal is encrypted to make digital recording somewhat tricky. Either that or the PVR is mangling the picture.
I guess it may have to be Sky+. Either that or I keep the now not-so-stupid-looking VCR.
Oh how I love tape.
A possibly connected curiosity with my current TV setup is that I cannot plug my retro (ie ancient) PSone into my telly at the same time as the Sky box is on. It... corrupts... the... picture. Is this perhaps a feature of the Sky box in general or just the cheap'n'nasty Amstrad one I've been palmed off with?
(And, yes, I managed to type the expression "Bush box" without giggling).
*My arse
Ills
(that's as in Poorlys rather than hundred-and-elevens, or Roman numeral '3').
Sicknesses currently in residence:
1. Mother's sleep apnea whilst under a general anaesthetic
2. My ear infection
3. Kate's tonsilitis
4. Katie's ulcerated throat
5. Colin's probably late onset type-2 diabetes
6. Buz's Man Cold
(These are in no particular order, but nevertheless, note that Buz's Man Cold would still be number 6 if they were).
Sicknesses currently in residence:
1. Mother's sleep apnea whilst under a general anaesthetic
2. My ear infection
3. Kate's tonsilitis
4. Katie's ulcerated throat
5. Colin's probably late onset type-2 diabetes
6. Buz's Man Cold
(These are in no particular order, but nevertheless, note that Buz's Man Cold would still be number 6 if they were).
