Saturday, December 31, 2005
New year greets
Well happy new year then.
May yours be as joyous as you might deserve it to be. If not more so.
May yours be as joyous as you might deserve it to be. If not more so.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Radio slag
Being a media whore and not worried what you lot think, I went on the Simon Amstell show just now (despite my previous comments).
I won the quiz. Lalalalala! So there are some DVDs heading my way. Hurrah!
I expect you'll want to listen to it. It's more than likely available on Listen Again. Look for the Thursday 29th programme and then scroll in an hour-and-a-quarter. I'm second on, after the lovely jam-making Kate from Scotland.
I won the quiz. Lalalalala! So there are some DVDs heading my way. Hurrah!
I expect you'll want to listen to it. It's more than likely available on Listen Again. Look for the Thursday 29th programme and then scroll in an hour-and-a-quarter. I'm second on, after the lovely jam-making Kate from Scotland.
Mini-ness all around-ness
Courtesy of Nate Dogg
Teeny tiny baby 1:
Teeny tiny baby 1:
Courtesy of Mr Buz
Teeny tiny baby 2:
Teeny tiny baby 2:
Yay for the babies!
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
For those who appreciate quality
If I have to explain why play.com has got this combination spookily correct, then you need to get some education.
.
[Pic: Claudia Black, call me*]
*Pathetic, ain't it?
.[Pic: Claudia Black, call me*]
*Pathetic, ain't it?
Not so much hit as tickled
Popped into town with Ian and Nic (the cute Eleanor was left with the Grandparents) to check out the sales and have a cup of Starbucks' finest.
I was after a new pair of work trews, but Next was like hell on Earth (as is the usual way when the sales start). The sign at the front of the store declared that the place was open at 5am this morning. That's FIVE AM. You know - when it's insanely dark and there's no reason for anything to be open. At all. Ever.
So it's been snowing today. Yay for snow! I love snow. Admittedly it started very early this morning whilst I was still out playing Risk, but at least since then it has kinda continued to be a bit snowy here and there. This is a first for Ipswich. Usually we get a bit of overnight snow, the sun comes up, it rains, the snow goes away for another year. Of course if it goes on like this I might not be able to get to work tomorrow (only joking, I've bought a tractor for just such an occasion).
So, dear reader, please find attached a picture of Ipswich town centre. You may be able to spot some snow a-fallin'.
[Pic: Is it a birch? Is it a pine? No! It's a, er, Christmas tree!]
I was after a new pair of work trews, but Next was like hell on Earth (as is the usual way when the sales start). The sign at the front of the store declared that the place was open at 5am this morning. That's FIVE AM. You know - when it's insanely dark and there's no reason for anything to be open. At all. Ever.
So it's been snowing today. Yay for snow! I love snow. Admittedly it started very early this morning whilst I was still out playing Risk, but at least since then it has kinda continued to be a bit snowy here and there. This is a first for Ipswich. Usually we get a bit of overnight snow, the sun comes up, it rains, the snow goes away for another year. Of course if it goes on like this I might not be able to get to work tomorrow (only joking, I've bought a tractor for just such an occasion).
So, dear reader, please find attached a picture of Ipswich town centre. You may be able to spot some snow a-fallin'.
[Pic: Is it a birch? Is it a pine? No! It's a, er, Christmas tree!]
Tis the season
Well blast, if that's not it for another year. Here come the sales, the general new year malaise of having to go back to work with nothing in particular to look forward to for a goodly while.
Spent last night with Les, Jen, David and Paul. In fact, I spent most of the day there (now I think about it). Had a great time, especially when it came to playing Risk: The Star Wars Clone Wars Edition (but with traditional Risk rules rather than the geeky, anally retentive Star Wars extended rules).
We took the opportunity to listen to Simon Amstell on Radio 2 whilst playing. My god, what a complete pile of shite that show was. The music was fine, but the bloke can't present a decent radio show for toffee. It was like listening to some self-satisfied blathering egomaniac on a some community radio station. He has no clue about interviewing and equally no idea when to shut the hell up. If he's the best they can get in to cover for Mark Radcliffe, then I pity the BBC. The only issue I have is that he'll probably end up as some media darling.
After all, that's what happens to most of the talentless bottomfeeders in this once-Great country (for reference, see the current pop-charts).
Spent last night with Les, Jen, David and Paul. In fact, I spent most of the day there (now I think about it). Had a great time, especially when it came to playing Risk: The Star Wars Clone Wars Edition (but with traditional Risk rules rather than the geeky, anally retentive Star Wars extended rules).
We took the opportunity to listen to Simon Amstell on Radio 2 whilst playing. My god, what a complete pile of shite that show was. The music was fine, but the bloke can't present a decent radio show for toffee. It was like listening to some self-satisfied blathering egomaniac on a some community radio station. He has no clue about interviewing and equally no idea when to shut the hell up. If he's the best they can get in to cover for Mark Radcliffe, then I pity the BBC. The only issue I have is that he'll probably end up as some media darling.
After all, that's what happens to most of the talentless bottomfeeders in this once-Great country (for reference, see the current pop-charts).
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Oh the potato...
Oh the potato!
Such a veg-te-bal-ato!
Oh the potato!
It's rather good...
Oh the potato!
Sing in Jub-lee-ato!
Oh the potato!
I love my spud.
Well, at least so says the famous song.
Me? I'm peeling the bloody things so they'll be ready for Christmas lunch tomorrow.
Happy Christmas, dear readers.
Such a veg-te-bal-ato!
Oh the potato!
It's rather good...
Oh the potato!
Sing in Jub-lee-ato!
Oh the potato!
I love my spud.
Well, at least so says the famous song.
Me? I'm peeling the bloody things so they'll be ready for Christmas lunch tomorrow.
Happy Christmas, dear readers.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
(N)O! Tannenbaum
My dear German readers, I dedicate this entry to "du".
Oh yes, hansome and multi-lingual.
Well I think the time has come to admit defeat. There will be no Christmas Tree at boredofjam Towers this year. Which is probably a good thing, as if recent weeks are anything to go by, I'd not have the time to then get the damned thing recycled come January.
Instead I've got a display of some comedy Yuletide characters and some lights draped around the TV. So it's like a tree, but with the added advantage of being a telly.
Ah - and this year's batch of cranberry sauce is a knockout. Often times I find that the inclusion of a half-bottle of port adds flavour to a recipe.
Anyhoo, the money shot of the Christmas display at my house...
[Pic: And the Lord said: Let there be light (just not enough of it to make this picture worthwhile)]
Oh yes, hansome and multi-lingual.
Well I think the time has come to admit defeat. There will be no Christmas Tree at boredofjam Towers this year. Which is probably a good thing, as if recent weeks are anything to go by, I'd not have the time to then get the damned thing recycled come January.
Instead I've got a display of some comedy Yuletide characters and some lights draped around the TV. So it's like a tree, but with the added advantage of being a telly.
Ah - and this year's batch of cranberry sauce is a knockout. Often times I find that the inclusion of a half-bottle of port adds flavour to a recipe.
Anyhoo, the money shot of the Christmas display at my house...
[Pic: And the Lord said: Let there be light (just not enough of it to make this picture worthwhile)]
Much alloy about nothing
What I should really be doing now is putting away the food I've just purchased from the lovely Emma (blonde...) in Sainsbury's.
But what I'm actually going to do is put some words down into some lines and what you, dear reader, have to do is rearrange them into a nice story. It's a bit like a special Christmassy edition of The Bible Code (but without the conspiracy theories).
Here's your first line:
1. Bloody woman in a car decided to move into the lane I was in at time the.
OK? Got the idea. Right, here's the second one:
2. Luckily I noticed this in good time and applied brakes the.
Tricky, huh? OK, well keep trying. You may get good at it.
3. I have no idea how she didn't hit car my.
4. We checked the offside bodywork, no damage at all. This was easily seen as my car is currently covered in road filth.
Ah, I appear to have forgotten to rearrange some words. Tell you what, you rearrange them, and then try and work out the sentence.
5. No need to exchange details. It's too early in the morning and there's no damage.
6. Get to work. Check alloy wheels on near-side of car. They buggered are.
Nuts, huh? Still, to cap things off, some bint in a Corsa tried EXACTLY the same thing this evening. Just now.
Women! Know Your Limits! STAY OFF THE ROADS.
But what I'm actually going to do is put some words down into some lines and what you, dear reader, have to do is rearrange them into a nice story. It's a bit like a special Christmassy edition of The Bible Code (but without the conspiracy theories).
Here's your first line:
1. Bloody woman in a car decided to move into the lane I was in at time the.
OK? Got the idea. Right, here's the second one:
2. Luckily I noticed this in good time and applied brakes the.
Tricky, huh? OK, well keep trying. You may get good at it.
3. I have no idea how she didn't hit car my.
4. We checked the offside bodywork, no damage at all. This was easily seen as my car is currently covered in road filth.
Ah, I appear to have forgotten to rearrange some words. Tell you what, you rearrange them, and then try and work out the sentence.
5. No need to exchange details. It's too early in the morning and there's no damage.
6. Get to work. Check alloy wheels on near-side of car. They buggered are.
Nuts, huh? Still, to cap things off, some bint in a Corsa tried EXACTLY the same thing this evening. Just now.
Women! Know Your Limits! STAY OFF THE ROADS.
Monday, December 19, 2005
Kong!
Very excellent film. Actually harked back to a past time when films could have you on the edge of your seat, wondering what was coming next (apart from the ending, obviously).
Some fine examples of CGI. Some really bad examples of CGI. The lovely Naomi Watts running round in her nightie. Andy Serkis putting in a fine performance in the galley. Jack Black is... Jack Black.
Over all, a Christmas winner, if a mite too long on the ol' backside.
[Pic: If you spilt his pint, you'd best get him another one. And a bag of Porkie Scratchings]
Some fine examples of CGI. Some really bad examples of CGI. The lovely Naomi Watts running round in her nightie. Andy Serkis putting in a fine performance in the galley. Jack Black is... Jack Black.
Over all, a Christmas winner, if a mite too long on the ol' backside.
[Pic: If you spilt his pint, you'd best get him another one. And a bag of Porkie Scratchings]
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Just call me Des
Well hello, and welcome to the first really Christmassy day so far.
Had a right old grump on last night as I was up til all hours wrapping bleedin' presents. And yet still I am not done. I woke up early, with the alarm, with every intention to go to the Saturday morning breakfast. But despite the spirit being willing, the flesh was weak and I let the radio play on and auto-off after 59-minutes. I still had to be at church for 9:30 anyway to do some cleaning, but the extra hour and a bit in bed made all the difference. I hope.
Made some rather great sandwiches today: steak*, rocket, mayo and horseraddish; and roasted green peppers with goat cheese. They were to take to Ben and Kate's house for a get together where we were to swap presents (hence the mad wrap-fest) and each take a plate of food. So Ian and Nic and Eleanor, Buz and the ever-more-pregnant Clare, and Ben and Kate sat around for the afternoon eating, chatting and putting the world to rights. Harry and I played "Attack Alf", Pokemon (which is a bit beyond me to be honest (must pay more attention next time)) and Star Wars.
Time passed and eventually we all left, with Ian and Nic AND Buz and Clare finding they'd been ticketted by the fucking traffic wardens (bunch of self-righteous piss-stinking maggot-cocked twunts that they are) for parking on single yellow. On a Saturday afternoon. On a wide, accessible road nowhere near town.
Evening came and it was time for me to go to a charity do out in Kesgrave. It was all black tie and lah-di-dah, so the lure of a few lovlies in their evening gowns was more than a draw. However, it was rather a disappointing show with about three notables, each either married or with an 'other half'. What made it more infuriating was that the exceedinly lovely Helen sent me a text asking if I was out in town tonight. Dammit! I knew there was a reason I should have not gone to the do (I mean, they had my money anyway...)
So as I was driving, I wasn't drinking. This made me prime candidate for taking five rather sozzled people into town for a continuation of their evenings. Me, I just felt like coming back and typing some nonsense into my blog.
I think this means I need to get out more. And if that doesn't, then the big collection of empty wine bottles on the floor in my kitchen certainly does.
Say no more.
* Recipe for steak: sirloin; salt, cracked black pepper, mustard powder, onion salt, garlic salt, olive oil. In a pan for about 5 mins a side on a medium heat and then left to cool.
Had a right old grump on last night as I was up til all hours wrapping bleedin' presents. And yet still I am not done. I woke up early, with the alarm, with every intention to go to the Saturday morning breakfast. But despite the spirit being willing, the flesh was weak and I let the radio play on and auto-off after 59-minutes. I still had to be at church for 9:30 anyway to do some cleaning, but the extra hour and a bit in bed made all the difference. I hope.
Made some rather great sandwiches today: steak*, rocket, mayo and horseraddish; and roasted green peppers with goat cheese. They were to take to Ben and Kate's house for a get together where we were to swap presents (hence the mad wrap-fest) and each take a plate of food. So Ian and Nic and Eleanor, Buz and the ever-more-pregnant Clare, and Ben and Kate sat around for the afternoon eating, chatting and putting the world to rights. Harry and I played "Attack Alf", Pokemon (which is a bit beyond me to be honest (must pay more attention next time)) and Star Wars.
Time passed and eventually we all left, with Ian and Nic AND Buz and Clare finding they'd been ticketted by the fucking traffic wardens (bunch of self-righteous piss-stinking maggot-cocked twunts that they are) for parking on single yellow. On a Saturday afternoon. On a wide, accessible road nowhere near town.
Evening came and it was time for me to go to a charity do out in Kesgrave. It was all black tie and lah-di-dah, so the lure of a few lovlies in their evening gowns was more than a draw. However, it was rather a disappointing show with about three notables, each either married or with an 'other half'. What made it more infuriating was that the exceedinly lovely Helen sent me a text asking if I was out in town tonight. Dammit! I knew there was a reason I should have not gone to the do (I mean, they had my money anyway...)
So as I was driving, I wasn't drinking. This made me prime candidate for taking five rather sozzled people into town for a continuation of their evenings. Me, I just felt like coming back and typing some nonsense into my blog.
I think this means I need to get out more. And if that doesn't, then the big collection of empty wine bottles on the floor in my kitchen certainly does.
Say no more.
* Recipe for steak: sirloin; salt, cracked black pepper, mustard powder, onion salt, garlic salt, olive oil. In a pan for about 5 mins a side on a medium heat and then left to cool.
Friday, December 16, 2005
I made a new issue
World famous and the UK's favourite family magazine when it was originally published, the Thing Monthly has a new issue out for Christmas time. It's available by clicking the link in the "Links" box on the right, or, for the truly lazy, by clicking here.
It's a bit ropey though, but then it's been, ooooh, six years since one was "out". Although I will squeeze up the issues on my hard-drive that have never made it and put out a PDF at some point.
Honest.
It's a bit ropey though, but then it's been, ooooh, six years since one was "out". Although I will squeeze up the issues on my hard-drive that have never made it and put out a PDF at some point.
Honest.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Using popular media to shoehorn your own opinions down throats of the masses
Russell T. Davros has decided to force an anti-war message into the Christmas Day episode of "Dr Who".
Whilst it will no doubt be a better thing for the UK to see than Alfie Moon commit suicide in "Eastenders" just after their Christmas turkey, I can't help but feel his reasoning to be a little bit "I'm fuckin' excellent me", check the story here at the BBC news site, but here's what the giddy Welshman had to say:
"It's Christmas Day, a day of peace," said chief writer Russell T Davies. "There is absolutely an anti-war message because that's what I think."
Well why can't we have the Doctor and Rose sit around and stuff themselves with turkey and all the trimmings?
After all, it's Christmas Day, a day of eating more than is necessary.
.
I wonder if Philip Pullman has an opinion about it? I mean, anti-war... on Christmas Day? Bloody hell, a Christian value about to be broadcast at prime-time on BBC1 on a Christian holiday? He should be insane with rage! After all, he had a rant that C.S. Lewis foisted his Christian views on the public through the Narnia books... or isn't "Doctor Who" a big enough threat to the up-coming "His Dark Materials" film trilogy (beaten to the cinema screens by "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" this week)?
Whilst it will no doubt be a better thing for the UK to see than Alfie Moon commit suicide in "Eastenders" just after their Christmas turkey, I can't help but feel his reasoning to be a little bit "I'm fuckin' excellent me", check the story here at the BBC news site, but here's what the giddy Welshman had to say:
"It's Christmas Day, a day of peace," said chief writer Russell T Davies. "There is absolutely an anti-war message because that's what I think."
Well why can't we have the Doctor and Rose sit around and stuff themselves with turkey and all the trimmings?
After all, it's Christmas Day, a day of eating more than is necessary.
.
I wonder if Philip Pullman has an opinion about it? I mean, anti-war... on Christmas Day? Bloody hell, a Christian value about to be broadcast at prime-time on BBC1 on a Christian holiday? He should be insane with rage! After all, he had a rant that C.S. Lewis foisted his Christian views on the public through the Narnia books... or isn't "Doctor Who" a big enough threat to the up-coming "His Dark Materials" film trilogy (beaten to the cinema screens by "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" this week)?
This I know
Yo! What's-yer-name, er... muddy_4x4_blonde or sommit... Here, in no particular order are some things I actually like.
[Izzard]
Yeeeeeessss.
[/Izzard]
Innocent smoothies, Top Gear, snow, Resident Evil 4, Elvis Presley concerts, Simon and Garfunkel, Linux, Lego, chocolate, Lost in Translation, my friends and family, when invisible tape sticks nicely and you really can't see it, playing my guitar, crisp cold days, sunshine on summer evenings, wine, clean washing, seeing people smile, making people laugh, creating the world's worst puns, annoying Buz, astounding non-techies with incredibly simple fixes to incredibly simple problems which they think mean it's The End Of The World, the Today Programme, books, real ale, trains (when they work well), cats, films - lots of films, light, the smell of grass just after it's been cut, the ZX Spectrum, QI, my 5-ish years of publishing stupid crap for people to read, my surprising ability to surprise even after all these years, my job, meat, The Sky at Night, hot lovin', striving to do my best despite it all, ice cream, Martyn Joseph, the English countryside, single malt whiskies, silver, my bed, archaeology, the Times crossword (well... the T2 one), seeing people I used to work with, Marks and Spencer, most of Oliver Postgate's output, bubble-wrap, lighting candles, a cup of tea and biscuits in the afternoon, string, magnets, the word "plinth", the Bold liquitabs advert with the samba music in the background...
I could go on, but fuck, you're right, it would seem I don't like anything.
(If I were you I'd check under the section to the top right of the page titled "About" and check that whole sarcasm/cynicism/irony line out (and then take it with a pinch of salt)).
Yours, sweetness and light,
Yeeeeeessss.
Innocent smoothies, Top Gear, snow, Resident Evil 4, Elvis Presley concerts, Simon and Garfunkel, Linux, Lego, chocolate, Lost in Translation, my friends and family, when invisible tape sticks nicely and you really can't see it, playing my guitar, crisp cold days, sunshine on summer evenings, wine, clean washing, seeing people smile, making people laugh, creating the world's worst puns, annoying Buz, astounding non-techies with incredibly simple fixes to incredibly simple problems which they think mean it's The End Of The World, the Today Programme, books, real ale, trains (when they work well), cats, films - lots of films, light, the smell of grass just after it's been cut, the ZX Spectrum, QI, my 5-ish years of publishing stupid crap for people to read, my surprising ability to surprise even after all these years, my job, meat, The Sky at Night, hot lovin', striving to do my best despite it all, ice cream, Martyn Joseph, the English countryside, single malt whiskies, silver, my bed, archaeology, the Times crossword (well... the T2 one), seeing people I used to work with, Marks and Spencer, most of Oliver Postgate's output, bubble-wrap, lighting candles, a cup of tea and biscuits in the afternoon, string, magnets, the word "plinth", the Bold liquitabs advert with the samba music in the background...
I could go on, but fuck, you're right, it would seem I don't like anything.
(If I were you I'd check under the section to the top right of the page titled "About" and check that whole sarcasm/cynicism/irony line out (and then take it with a pinch of salt)).
Yours, sweetness and light,
Monday, December 12, 2005
Batman BeginZzzzzz
Hey Bat-freaks! Here's your chance!
Explain to me why everyone said "Batman Begins" was so excellent*. Go to town. Pretend I give a flying fuck about the "DC Universe" and why "BB" either pisses all over it, or gives you that funny feeling in your winkle.
And you know when I say that I'm not talking about Katie Holmes. After all, she's a girl and you can't bring yourself to talk to them yet, can you?
Ready? Steady? Flame...
* Because having just watched it, all I can make out is that it's pretentious, self-absorbed shite. And to think I gave over a School Night to watch it. Geez, I could have spent more time over this Blog entry. Hahahahaha.
Explain to me why everyone said "Batman Begins" was so excellent*. Go to town. Pretend I give a flying fuck about the "DC Universe" and why "BB" either pisses all over it, or gives you that funny feeling in your winkle.
And you know when I say that I'm not talking about Katie Holmes. After all, she's a girl and you can't bring yourself to talk to them yet, can you?
Ready? Steady? Flame...
* Because having just watched it, all I can make out is that it's pretentious, self-absorbed shite. And to think I gave over a School Night to watch it. Geez, I could have spent more time over this Blog entry. Hahahahaha.
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Deck the halls
Friday, December 09, 2005
So this is Christmas (plastic tat is all over)
What better way to celebrate the birth of the little baby Jesus than by inflating a 7ft Santa Claus outside your bedroom window? Such class.
I assume it comes with an air pump that, ahem, "keeps it up" 24 hours a day.
Merry Christmas, everybody! Especially the really tired looking people who live nextdoor.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Things I learn[t]/[ed] today
1. 25th Anniversary of John Lennon being "moidered" in "Noo Yoyik"*.
2. Overnight, my bath hot tap has slowed to trickle for some reason.
3. Audi drivers get very seriously pissed off at you if you cut them up on a one way street.
4. Audi drivers are cocks who then drive right up close behind you in what could be called "icy conditions" just to prove their manhood is more substantial than mine.
5. I left my work ID card behind.
6. I still love my job.
7. To format a mergefield in MS Word to represent currency ALT+F9 and add \# "#,##0.00" after the field name.
8. People in Brussels don't log off when they say they will.
9. JPG compression really sucks when wanting to do stuff with pictures and transparent forms.
10. No-one took my game ideas seriously :o(
11. I've now done most of my Christmas shopping
12. Despite claiming that he knows better and producing nothing but lameass excuses, Sturge really wants an iPod. You know - one of those nasty, proprietory pieces of plastic tat that prove people are sheep when it comes to "the latest thing". Tsk.
13. Rob's network is sorted.
14. Don't ever run sfc/scannow in a command window without first checking for WinXP discs.
* Tell me do, dear reader. I have been to The Big Apple twice now, and both times I never heard anyone say "New York" as "Noo Yoyik". Does this actually happen? Have I missed it? Or is it simply low quality Brit dramas and/or Hugh Laurie in "House"?
Oh and speaking of accents, which I was. Vaguely. The BBC is currently running a version of Dickens' David Copperfield in the mornings at 10:45 and also at 7:45 in the evening. In the story, Young David has to spend time in a place called Great Yarmouth. Great Yarmouth is, if you look on a map of the UK, in Norfolk. However, the BBC (being a quality institution) have once again employed someone to play Emily with a West Country accent in place of a genuine Norfolk one. Damn them and their simplified vision of country folk.
Or should that be "vision of simple country folk"?
No matter.
2. Overnight, my bath hot tap has slowed to trickle for some reason.
3. Audi drivers get very seriously pissed off at you if you cut them up on a one way street.
4. Audi drivers are cocks who then drive right up close behind you in what could be called "icy conditions" just to prove their manhood is more substantial than mine.
5. I left my work ID card behind.
6. I still love my job.
7. To format a mergefield in MS Word to represent currency ALT+F9 and add \# "#,##0.00" after the field name.
8. People in Brussels don't log off when they say they will.
9. JPG compression really sucks when wanting to do stuff with pictures and transparent forms.
10. No-one took my game ideas seriously :o(
11. I've now done most of my Christmas shopping
12. Despite claiming that he knows better and producing nothing but lameass excuses, Sturge really wants an iPod. You know - one of those nasty, proprietory pieces of plastic tat that prove people are sheep when it comes to "the latest thing". Tsk.
13. Rob's network is sorted.
14. Don't ever run sfc/scannow in a command window without first checking for WinXP discs.
* Tell me do, dear reader. I have been to The Big Apple twice now, and both times I never heard anyone say "New York" as "Noo Yoyik". Does this actually happen? Have I missed it? Or is it simply low quality Brit dramas and/or Hugh Laurie in "House"?
Oh and speaking of accents, which I was. Vaguely. The BBC is currently running a version of Dickens' David Copperfield in the mornings at 10:45 and also at 7:45 in the evening. In the story, Young David has to spend time in a place called Great Yarmouth. Great Yarmouth is, if you look on a map of the UK, in Norfolk. However, the BBC (being a quality institution) have once again employed someone to play Emily with a West Country accent in place of a genuine Norfolk one. Damn them and their simplified vision of country folk.
Or should that be "vision of simple country folk"?
No matter.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Programming Paradise
Right well I am not, rpt NOT, a programmer. My university career put paid to that. So it comes as something of a shock to find that I've volunteered to write some code.
I've come up with some ideas for a series of games and in order to convince those I've told about them that I'm actually quite serious about it, I said I'd write a nice multiway scrolly landscape/map routine.
Ah. Yes indeed. Ah.
I've come up with some ideas for a series of games and in order to convince those I've told about them that I'm actually quite serious about it, I said I'd write a nice multiway scrolly landscape/map routine.
Ah. Yes indeed. Ah.
Erk...
It would appear to be a very short time until Christmas. Yet - YET! - I have still to do Christmas Shopping.
Nuts.
Nuts.
(Sister's birthday) / 2 (b)
So Sunday then. 9:30am. Katie's birthday.Katie and her mum got up and went to the world's smallest church on the beach in Shoreham. Dad had wandered off with the dog get the paper. [Pic: The dad and the dog].
So the coffee went on and Jamie and I studied the papers once Dad returned with The Times (oh yes, classy our family) and then dinner went on.
And what a spread! Excellent food, wine and company. Jamie and Katie's Granny and Grandpa came too, so I got asked computer questions. Gotta earn my dinner some way.
So to cut a long story short:
Dinner, coffee, cake, wine, presents, insults about music tastes, and then it was 7:30, so I hit the road (and hoped it didn't hit back).
Oh boy were there some real bad drivers out there on Sunday night. But I managed to get home in good time and got to see Shane at the pub for a swift "double" and a discussion about the breakfast Nigel and I cooked the morning before. And then - oh lucky lucky me - Ironing! Hurrah.
Wanted: One ironer. Bad rates paid. Excellence expected. Apply within.
Space Cadets
Channel 4 have kicked off the ultimate in telly pranks this evening: they're running a reality TV show that is going to try and convince a group of extremely suggestible British folks that they're actually up in space.
Obviously this is most everyone's dream, to go into space. I'd love it. When I was a kid I wanted to be an astronaut. And if not, then I wanted to be John Noakes. Both dreams failed and now I work fixing computers. No space. No Shep. No Blue Peter badge.
Of course, this is all a big hoax. It's brilliant. If they can pull it off it'll be a fabulous technical achievement, but also - and here's the cool bit - the set is just up the road from here at the disused Bentwaters airbase ("somewhere near Ipswich").
Hurrah for Ipswich.
No, but seriously.
Of course it could all go wrong - to pull it off they've got to keep up the pretence they're in Russia/space for a total of three weeks or so.
Add to that the irreverant Johnny Vaughan (who, it would appear, is only ever any good on C4), I hope they've got a winner. And having watched the first show, they've managed to get themselves a bucket load of space monkeys, so there's no hope any of them are going to see through the deceit.
Obviously this is most everyone's dream, to go into space. I'd love it. When I was a kid I wanted to be an astronaut. And if not, then I wanted to be John Noakes. Both dreams failed and now I work fixing computers. No space. No Shep. No Blue Peter badge.
Of course, this is all a big hoax. It's brilliant. If they can pull it off it'll be a fabulous technical achievement, but also - and here's the cool bit - the set is just up the road from here at the disused Bentwaters airbase ("somewhere near Ipswich").
Hurrah for Ipswich.
No, but seriously.
Of course it could all go wrong - to pull it off they've got to keep up the pretence they're in Russia/space for a total of three weeks or so.
Add to that the irreverant Johnny Vaughan (who, it would appear, is only ever any good on C4), I hope they've got a winner. And having watched the first show, they've managed to get themselves a bucket load of space monkeys, so there's no hope any of them are going to see through the deceit.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Women good enough to eat #1
Shaz.
But she knows I'd do anything for her, damn her for her cunning insight. Maybe it's the pathetic drooling I do when she comes over?
Answers on a postcard to the usual address.
But she knows I'd do anything for her, damn her for her cunning insight. Maybe it's the pathetic drooling I do when she comes over?
Answers on a postcard to the usual address.
(Sister's birthday) / 2 (a)
Had an excellent weekend down in Sussex. Went out shopping for MP3 players and pissed off the chap in Comet so much he ran away. We had to find a replacement assistant, and even then that one looked a bit apprehensive. I wouldn't say I was being an awkward customer. But I probably was.
We had specifications that we wanted to stick to. Katie wanted an MP3 player. She wanted it small enough so she could wear it at the gym. This also meant that it had to be solid state to avoid the whole hard drive/heads crashing syndrome when jogging. We wanted half a gig of storage. And it had to be rechargeable, with its own internal battery. There were a couple of models we were looking at.
1. The Sony "Bean". Which, it seems, is rubbish;
2. The Samsung YP-u1x;
3. A red one which looked cool but wasn't.
So the Sony one was cast aside. It buzzes. Buyer beware. The red one needed a battery and only gave 10 hours' playback from a battery (which is shit). So it ended up being the Samsung one. Which seems pretty cool and certainly does everything (and more) that Katie wanted. The only funny thing with this one is that you charge it through the USB port, so your PC has to be on for it to charge. But other than that it seems to be a little beaut.
The man in Comet ran away when I told him that 256mb was not half a gigabyte of storage. He was most insistent that it was. What ever they are paying that man, it is surely too much.
In the end, after hell froze over and high water swept the world away, we emerged from Comet and made our rain-sodden way back to Dad's. There we were warmly greeted by much coffee, stew, fruit, cheese, beer, wine and whisky. Hurrah!
Katie had thought we might go out, but it was a ropey old evening, and she'd been working some crappy shifts. So we didn't. Instead we ate well into the night.
I went to bed with cheese and crackers coming out of my ears.
Next morning, I woke early.
I'd been dreaming about a song and I woke because it occurred to me in my dream that I was actually singing it in my sleep. I don't think I was, but it was eerie and it was 5am. I dropped back off and was re-awoken by Jamie's alarm clock going off at 6am. Lovely. He'd forgotten to switch it off. I was proud of him. Still, after some five minutes of fecking around trying to switch the bloody thing off, finally managed to restore perfect silence and collapsed back into bed until 9:30.
We had specifications that we wanted to stick to. Katie wanted an MP3 player. She wanted it small enough so she could wear it at the gym. This also meant that it had to be solid state to avoid the whole hard drive/heads crashing syndrome when jogging. We wanted half a gig of storage. And it had to be rechargeable, with its own internal battery. There were a couple of models we were looking at.
1. The Sony "Bean". Which, it seems, is rubbish;
2. The Samsung YP-u1x;
3. A red one which looked cool but wasn't.
So the Sony one was cast aside. It buzzes. Buyer beware. The red one needed a battery and only gave 10 hours' playback from a battery (which is shit). So it ended up being the Samsung one. Which seems pretty cool and certainly does everything (and more) that Katie wanted. The only funny thing with this one is that you charge it through the USB port, so your PC has to be on for it to charge. But other than that it seems to be a little beaut.
The man in Comet ran away when I told him that 256mb was not half a gigabyte of storage. He was most insistent that it was. What ever they are paying that man, it is surely too much.
In the end, after hell froze over and high water swept the world away, we emerged from Comet and made our rain-sodden way back to Dad's. There we were warmly greeted by much coffee, stew, fruit, cheese, beer, wine and whisky. Hurrah!
Katie had thought we might go out, but it was a ropey old evening, and she'd been working some crappy shifts. So we didn't. Instead we ate well into the night.
I went to bed with cheese and crackers coming out of my ears.
Next morning, I woke early.
I'd been dreaming about a song and I woke because it occurred to me in my dream that I was actually singing it in my sleep. I don't think I was, but it was eerie and it was 5am. I dropped back off and was re-awoken by Jamie's alarm clock going off at 6am. Lovely. He'd forgotten to switch it off. I was proud of him. Still, after some five minutes of fecking around trying to switch the bloody thing off, finally managed to restore perfect silence and collapsed back into bed until 9:30.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Getting up at the break of fast
For some reason I opted, volunteered and through my own free will gave up my lay-in on Saturday.
I woke up before the crack of dawn, which in some more sordid blogs would be cause for a "blue" comment. However, I can assure you I was widey-awakey at 5am so I could sit and watch the time tick by on my clock until my alarm went off at 6am.
Once that had happend, I shoved the duvet back over my head and listened to Radio 4 until 6:20 when I got out of bed. It was Pitch Black. Filthy, dirty, bottom of a mine-shaft dark. I was depressed. Then I switched on a light and I was happier. Then I looked at the clock again and it read 6:21 (but not necesarilly in that font). And I was depressed again.
However, once I had abluted, I took myself off to the Men's Breakfast and arrived in good time to cook a smashing fry-up for 10 fine fellows. It was ace. But no black pudding (it turned out that Nigel did the shopping at 5am that morning whilst I was busy counting down the minutes to having to get up - And He Forgot The Blood Sausage!)
Everyone was very complimentary about the cooking and pitched in at the end to do the washing up. Once out of there, it was time to pack a bag and head off to sunny Sussex to see my Daddy.
I woke up before the crack of dawn, which in some more sordid blogs would be cause for a "blue" comment. However, I can assure you I was widey-awakey at 5am so I could sit and watch the time tick by on my clock until my alarm went off at 6am.
Once that had happend, I shoved the duvet back over my head and listened to Radio 4 until 6:20 when I got out of bed. It was Pitch Black. Filthy, dirty, bottom of a mine-shaft dark. I was depressed. Then I switched on a light and I was happier. Then I looked at the clock again and it read 6:21 (but not necesarilly in that font). And I was depressed again.
However, once I had abluted, I took myself off to the Men's Breakfast and arrived in good time to cook a smashing fry-up for 10 fine fellows. It was ace. But no black pudding (it turned out that Nigel did the shopping at 5am that morning whilst I was busy counting down the minutes to having to get up - And He Forgot The Blood Sausage!)
Everyone was very complimentary about the cooking and pitched in at the end to do the washing up. Once out of there, it was time to pack a bag and head off to sunny Sussex to see my Daddy.
Friday, December 02, 2005
Can you smell what The Rock(tm) has stood in?
Well I was ready to leave after 20 minutes or so, but Buz was determined to sit out the entire miserable spectacle until its sorry end.
"My name is Alf and this evening I saw "Doom - the movie"."
"Hi Alf, you're with friends now."
What a waste of money. Last time I looked there still are people in this world who are starving, ill and in pain. The money shat upon this dismal excuse for 100-minutes worth of "entertainment" would have helped a lot of people. As it is, having bought two tickets for this shambles, another thirteen quid has gone towards the production of yet more mindless, worthless junk, quite probably known as "Doom 2".
I am not a fan of the "Doom" or "Quake" games. I can't play them like Buz (or that socially inadequate, fat, greasy, unwashed gamer sub-section of society with no ability to communicate outside of IRC channels). There were a goodly number of those at the showing too. The leader (I assume that's who he was, he was the fattest and loudest after all) spent his time commenting on the adverts for the just-released-today XBOX 360: "It's better than the Playstation". No shit, Einstein. Although if I was to compare your brain to my "classic computer" the ZX81, I think we'd swing towards the 1K home computer from 1981, fuckwit. (He did shut up when the Mars bar advert came on the screen though, I expect he was fantasizing about the selection of King Size bars he's got stashed in a drawer at home near his cans of pop).
Shit, sorry, back to the games. Hmm. No, don't like 'em and can't play 'em, however I can sit and happily watch Buz play through a couple of levels cos he's good at it. And I like to see people who are good at stuff demonstrate their skills. But this... this... Gnnnnh. My retinas need disinfecting.
The best things about going to the cinema this evening:
1. There was a trailer for "Underworld: Evolution" featuring the lovely brunette-in-skintight-leathers Kate Beckinsale back as the vampire Selene.
2. There was an Orange advert featuring John Cleese.
3. The curry afterwards.
The plan was to get a picture of Buz lookin' "well 'ard" stood next to the "Doom" poster outside the cinema, but we left in a hurry so people didn't notice we'd been to see it. So no pictures this time. Maybe next time. If you're lucky.
Time for bed. Have got to be up for 6:15am... what a frickin' idiot...
"My name is Alf and this evening I saw "Doom - the movie"."
"Hi Alf, you're with friends now."
What a waste of money. Last time I looked there still are people in this world who are starving, ill and in pain. The money shat upon this dismal excuse for 100-minutes worth of "entertainment" would have helped a lot of people. As it is, having bought two tickets for this shambles, another thirteen quid has gone towards the production of yet more mindless, worthless junk, quite probably known as "Doom 2".
I am not a fan of the "Doom" or "Quake" games. I can't play them like Buz (or that socially inadequate, fat, greasy, unwashed gamer sub-section of society with no ability to communicate outside of IRC channels). There were a goodly number of those at the showing too. The leader (I assume that's who he was, he was the fattest and loudest after all) spent his time commenting on the adverts for the just-released-today XBOX 360: "It's better than the Playstation". No shit, Einstein. Although if I was to compare your brain to my "classic computer" the ZX81, I think we'd swing towards the 1K home computer from 1981, fuckwit. (He did shut up when the Mars bar advert came on the screen though, I expect he was fantasizing about the selection of King Size bars he's got stashed in a drawer at home near his cans of pop).
Shit, sorry, back to the games. Hmm. No, don't like 'em and can't play 'em, however I can sit and happily watch Buz play through a couple of levels cos he's good at it. And I like to see people who are good at stuff demonstrate their skills. But this... this... Gnnnnh. My retinas need disinfecting.
The best things about going to the cinema this evening:
1. There was a trailer for "Underworld: Evolution" featuring the lovely brunette-in-skintight-leathers Kate Beckinsale back as the vampire Selene.
2. There was an Orange advert featuring John Cleese.
3. The curry afterwards.
The plan was to get a picture of Buz lookin' "well 'ard" stood next to the "Doom" poster outside the cinema, but we left in a hurry so people didn't notice we'd been to see it. So no pictures this time. Maybe next time. If you're lucky.
Time for bed. Have got to be up for 6:15am... what a frickin' idiot...
Thursday, December 01, 2005
The full menu is now available
In a metaphorical sense, I was taken to one side today by a very wise man and given a kick up the jacksy.
"Your apartheid-esque attitude to women at the moment is only helping one thing - and that's you not getting your end away."
Turns out that having considered this, Brunettes are back on the menu.
Hurrah! Now line 'em up... oh but I'm out fixing PCs tonight. Bah.
"Your apartheid-esque attitude to women at the moment is only helping one thing - and that's you not getting your end away."
Turns out that having considered this, Brunettes are back on the menu.
Hurrah! Now line 'em up... oh but I'm out fixing PCs tonight. Bah.
For unto us a CD is delivered
Yes, it is now obviously time to get int the Christmas mood as my new "Brian Wilson sings Christmas" CD has turned up (known more officially as "What I really want for Christmas").
The great one singing Christmas songs? Does it get better than that? Surely not!
(Sturge, you've got one on its way to you)
The great one singing Christmas songs? Does it get better than that? Surely not!
(Sturge, you've got one on its way to you)
