Sunday, November 20, 2005
My Very Own Personal Ian McCaskill(tm)
It was just over a year ago I did a remarkably silly thing.
I took it upon myself to break my collar bone. Luckily it amused everyone around me at the time and no-one else was hurt (apart from Sturge who had the wind knocked out of him (so he claimed at the time, but thinking back on it I have a nasty feeling he was splitting his sides laughing, but hey)).
"Time heals all wounds," so says my old Gran. And, more worryingly, my doctor. Pity the poor people who have an emergency when he's on call.
"Doctor! Come quickly, it's my husband, he's cut an arm off in a terrible DIY amputation accident!"
"Tell me woman, have you kissed it better? And besides, your English grammar is despicable. One does not say 'cut an arm off', one says 'cut off an arm'. Dear God, no wonder he's trying to die."
"Doctor! My wife appears to be turning blue and having troubles breathing!"
"My good man, a cup of tea and an early night will soon soothe her troubles."
"Doctor! It's my son, he's screaming in pain and bleeding from his eyes!"
"Time heals all wounds, time heals all wounds."
As with a goodly number of clavicle injuries I now have a lovely bit of pokey bone out the front of my collar. It's an attractive addition and makes people feel physically ill. Ho hum. But - and here's the advantage of it - I now know when it's cold outside. Or when it might rain. Obviously I could look out of the window and judge this with mine own eyes. But what if I suddenly went blind. All of a sudden. You know, suddenly like. Then I'd not scoff.
So it's a blessing to me. And the sleepless nights filled with pain are but a small price to pay for such a useful weather-fortelling collarbone. I could maybe make some money out of it.
The point? Oh, it's cold out tonight. Ice everywhere. Brrrrr, eh? Brrr....
I took it upon myself to break my collar bone. Luckily it amused everyone around me at the time and no-one else was hurt (apart from Sturge who had the wind knocked out of him (so he claimed at the time, but thinking back on it I have a nasty feeling he was splitting his sides laughing, but hey)).
"Time heals all wounds," so says my old Gran. And, more worryingly, my doctor. Pity the poor people who have an emergency when he's on call.
"Doctor! Come quickly, it's my husband, he's cut an arm off in a terrible DIY amputation accident!"
"Tell me woman, have you kissed it better? And besides, your English grammar is despicable. One does not say 'cut an arm off', one says 'cut off an arm'. Dear God, no wonder he's trying to die."
"Doctor! My wife appears to be turning blue and having troubles breathing!"
"My good man, a cup of tea and an early night will soon soothe her troubles."
"Doctor! It's my son, he's screaming in pain and bleeding from his eyes!"
"Time heals all wounds, time heals all wounds."
As with a goodly number of clavicle injuries I now have a lovely bit of pokey bone out the front of my collar. It's an attractive addition and makes people feel physically ill. Ho hum. But - and here's the advantage of it - I now know when it's cold outside. Or when it might rain. Obviously I could look out of the window and judge this with mine own eyes. But what if I suddenly went blind. All of a sudden. You know, suddenly like. Then I'd not scoff.
So it's a blessing to me. And the sleepless nights filled with pain are but a small price to pay for such a useful weather-fortelling collarbone. I could maybe make some money out of it.
The point? Oh, it's cold out tonight. Ice everywhere. Brrrrr, eh? Brrr....
